In These Bodies We Will Die
by rose-of-alabaster
Summary: Neji Hyuuga, a thiry-one year old Anbu captain on the brink of insanity with a twelve-year-old son from a loveless arranged marriage... surely this was not how his life was supposed to go. Light shikaneji.
1. Sealed Hearts and Saints

In These Bodies We Will Die.  
>Chapter One.<br>Sealed Hearts and Saints.

[Seal my heart and break my pride]

Hyuuga Harumi sat primly on her cushion, her legs curled up neatly beneath her body as she cradled her cup of tea in her long fingered hands. Her long, black hair was neatly curled and wound up around her head into an intricate pattern, her almond shaped, white eyes were accented with just the barest amount of shadow, and her kimono was immaculate as always.

All this to greet her husband on his return home.

She had been waiting for several hours, knowing only that he would be returning that night. She had finished and refilled her tea cup several times and made a new pot of tea so that it could be hot when he returned, not that he would be having any. She liked it when she was sitting in their home with a steaming cup of tea in her hands when he came in.

The rattle of the door announced his arrival, tired, if the amount of noise he was making was any indication. There was a moment of quiet as he removed his shoes and then the nearly silent sound of his footsteps as he walked into the family room, or what would serve as a family room in any other house. He stopped in the doorway and looked down at her when he appeared.

He was disheveled, long hair usually pulled back in a high ponytail now falling loose, clothes a mess of tears and dirt, blood splatters on his bone white armor, exhaustion etched onto every plane of his handsome face. He gazed at her but it was as if he didn't see her and for a moment she wondered if he even knew she was there. Then he greeted her in his customary detatched monotone.

"Harumi." Almost as an afterthought he added, "Tadaima."

"Okaerinasai," she replied in her culturedly soft voice. "How was your mission?" she asked, as was her custom.

"Fine," he replied as always.

"You were gone longer than expected," she noted as usual.

"We ran into a few problems along the way," he supplied unhelpfully, the same words he always said.

"I am happy you are safe," she lied.

"I am glad to be home." He did the same.

He approached her, bending to take her hand and kiss it while staying far enough away that she would not be contaminated with the filth of battle on his body but she could not escape the smell of blood. From where she sat she could see open wounds on his arms, as if he had been clawed. But he took her hand all the same, brought it to that mouth that she had told herself she loved once. That was all she had ever loved about him, his body. That was all he was good for and that was all she was good for. That was their purpose, to create others like themselves. Their bodies were the extent of the relationship they had with each other.

Of course, their bodies were also what undermined their purpose.

As he turned to go, placing one hand on a small table gently as if he was about to fall over, not that she had ever seen him even sway before, she took a small breath and broke their tradition for once, for the one thing that they both loved, the one thing that was more than their purely physical relationship.

"Hisoka started at the Academy three days ago."

"Yes, I suppose he did," her husband answered absently.

She chided herself. Of course he knew the day the Academy started every year. She did not need to fear saying more because when she turned her head slightly to say something more, he was already gone, as silently as the ghosts that she sometimes feared haunted their house, the ghosts of what love they had before they had been forced together.

[I guess there's gotta be a break in the monotony]

Four years later.

Hyuuga Hisoka was a quiet child by nature. He was mild mannered and polite, always willing to allow others to go before him in line or to get something for someone if they asked. He was a branch Hyuuga and did not wear his hitae-ate on his forehead to hide the mark that he had been given on his second birthday, instead choosing to wear it on arm like he had seen some of the chunin do. He was an average student, neither in the top third of the class nor in the bottom third but rather in the comfortable middle. He passed through his Academy years without much fuss and was the third member of his team to even out his two fiery teammates, third ranked Yamanaka Izo and second to last ranked Mochizuki Naoko. At least, that's what he thought, although he didn't really enjoy his position; namely, sitting between Izo and Naoko as they shouted insults at each other around his body while they waited for their sensei to come pick them up.

They were the very last team to be picked up.

"Dead last," Izo said.

"I'm no' the dead las'," Naoko shouted, her temper already flaring, "Third ra'e!"

"You're as good as dead last, loser!" Izo shot back.

"Moron!"

"Twit!"

"Stupid face!"

"Hag!"

"Princess!"

"Troll!"

"Faerie!"

"Guys," Hisoka said placatingly, holding up his hands when they both turned burning eyes of rage on him, fists half raised. He patted them both on the shoulders. "I think that maybe we should stop fighting. What if sensei comes in and sees us?"

"Too late for that," a voice that was decidedly older than twelve stated. Izo and Naoko immediately shut up and three heads swiveled to the door to see a man leaning there, lighter held up to his face as he lit a cigarette, took a drag, and blew out luxuriously. "As amusing as it is to see the team I'm going to be with for, at the very least, the next six months argue with each other... it's not."

"Nara-sensei?" Izo asked, sounding as if he wanted this slouched, tired sounding man to be anyone but their teacher.

"Yamanaka Izo," the man answered, "Mochizuki Naoko, and Hyuuga Hisoka?" When all three students nodded mutely he sighed, took another drag on his cigarette, muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "troublesome" and waved them over his direction. "We may as well get going. We're not getting any younger."

He turned on his heel and shuffled out of the room. The three newly-graduated students glanced at each other for a moment before hopping off the desks they had been perched on and running after him. He had barely gone four steps before they reached him and they followed his slowly, lazy pace all the way to...

"A barbeque restaurant?" Izo whispered, aghast at the very idea of being seen in such a place of over-eating.

Naoko rolled her eyes and gave him a firm shove between the shoulder blades through the door that their sensei had vanished through just moments before. She followed quickly and Hisoka took a moment to look around and make sure that none of his family was around to see him enter such a disreputable establishment before also making his way swiftly through the doors and joining his new team.

Nara-sensei ordered without looking at the menu and without consulting any of his team. Izo was fidgeting in his seat and trying to avoid touching anything other than the required air and even then making a valiant effort. Naoko sat in the corner near the window and was staring out, already bored. Hisoka tried to keep his head down just in case someone saw him. His mother had always taught him to be very conscious of where and when people saw you, that one's reputation was everything. Never be too much or too little, be just in the middle, normal.

When the food came, Naoko tucked in, Nara-sensei lit another cigarette and ate in the slow manner that was fast becoming familiar to the genin, Izo turned green, and Hisoka tentatively took a piece of meat, hungry despite his trepidation and wanting to get something before Naoko consumed it all.

"So," Nara-sensei said, alternately taking bites of food and inhaling lungfuls of smoke, "Why don't you all tell me a little about yourselves. I've already read your files but I'd like to see if you surprise me."

"We 'ave files?" Naoko asked around a mouthful of meat. Izo would have made a snappy comeback but he was too busy fanning himself with the menu and trying to keep his perfect blonde hair from touching the back of the booth.

"Everyone has a file, Mochizuki," Nara-sensei explained patiently. "Tell me something about you... anything."

Naoko swallowed her mouthful of food and looked thoughtful, an expression curiously out of place on her face. "Well," she began, "Oi live wi' me da and ma and I've got three sisters and five brothers and oi really, really want ta become a chunin so oi can 'elp take care of 'em, ya know?"

"I couldn't understand you around your ridiculous slur," Izo muttered halfheartedly. Hisoka thought that perhaps he wasn't lying.

"Yamanaka, you next," Nara-sensei said before Naoko could say anything else.

"My name is Yamanka Izo," he began.

"Yeah, we got tha' much," Naoko spat as she crammed more food into her already overloaded mouth.

He treated her to his best glare, which she had grown immune to over the years of being in the same class as him, and went on. "I live with my mother and father and I have one older sister who is a jounin and I wish the hitae-ate came in different colors. Blue doesn't go with my wardrobe."

"Princess," Naoko coughed indiscreetly.

"Hyuuga," Nara-sensei said, pointing his cigarette toward Hisoka.

"Oh... well," Hisoka fumbled. "I live with my mother and I don't have any siblings and I just want to be a chunin... I suppose."

Nara frowned deeply as if Hisoka had said something that really, truly bothered him.

"Where's your da?" Naoko asked.

"He doesn't have one, obviously," Izo said, smacking her.

"'Ow do you not 'ave a da?" Naoko asked curiously.

"I – I don't know where my father is, well, I do know but he's just not around ever and so it's like I only live with my mother," Hisoka answered.

"Where's your father all the time?" Izo asked, curious in spite of his critique of Naoko's behavior.

"Missions," Hisoka answered. That was what his mother always told him. Hisoka had only seen his father a handful of times since he entered the Academy. He remembered vaguely that his father had been around when he was younger but all of his memories were fuzzy, of someone tall and strong with a quiet laugh. His mother always insisted that his father was someone average, of no importance, but Hisoka wondered sometimes.

"I think that's enough," Nara-sensei said.

"Tell us about you, Nara-sensei," Izo said.

Nara-sensei sighed and leaned back in the chair, snuffing out his cigarette directly on the table and flicking the butt into the coals of their table grill. "Firstly, I would prefer if you called me Shikamaru-sensei rather than Nara-sensei." When the students nodded he went on. "Secondly, I live by myself but sometimes I visit my mother and father. I don't have any siblings, and I like being a teaching jounin."

"No dreams, Shikamaru-sensei?" Hisoka asked quietly.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at the Hyuuga. "I'm past that point in my life. I am where I will say and I like where I am." Hisoka looked away swiftly as if embarrassed to have asked a personal question.

"There's no more food!" Naoko announced as she swiftly snatched up the last bit of meat and stuffed it in her mouth.

"That means it's time to go," Shikamaru said, ushering his students out of the booth and leaving enough money to cover the food, that Naoko had eaten most of, and a tip. "Meet me at training ground three tomorrow morning promptly at seven o'clock and come ready to begin training." Izo groaned.

As the students walked away, going back to their homes, Shikamaru noted their dynamic silently. Naoko and Izo leaned on each other, smacking and hitting each other and arguing but getting along for the most part. It was certainly not the worst rivalry he had ever seen. Hisoka walked slightly off the side, glancing around nervously and every once in a while turning to his teammates as if to suggest that they calm down. The Hyuuga kept his hands at his side, not even moving them while speaking like most people.

Shikamaru felt the need for another cigarette coming on.

[The saints can't help me now]

The door to his apartment was open when he walked up the steps, there was no elevator. He glanced at the smeared blood on the wall, as if someone had grabbed the door frame as they went in and tripped on their way. He nudged the door open gently, snuffing out his cigarette and holding up his hands to show that he had no weapons as he walked into his own home. When he saw that there was no one in the living room he followed the blood drips on the hardwood floor, it had once been carpet but had been stained red so many times that Shikamaru gave in and had it replaced, to the kitchen where he found the intruder sitting on the floor, leaning against the cabinets.

"Tadaima," Shikamaru said quietly as he walked in. The man on the floor jerked his head around, breath quickening the rise and fall of his chest as he paused in pulling on the bandages he was wrapping around his forearm. There was a tense moment when Shikamaru just stood there with his hands in the air and the man just watched him.

"Okaeri," the man finally breathed out. Shikamaru glanced around and saw the grotesque, snarling panther mask lying on the floor beside the man, within easy reach but carelessly left to roll on its side.

Convinced that he wouldn't be disemboweled if he went any closer, Shikamaru stepped into his kitchen and knelt beside the man, checking him over for injuries with his eyes. The man hadn't been in the apartment long, he had only bandaged his forearm and there were dozens of injuries scattered across his torso and arms and a lengthy cut on his leg. His shirt was torn to shreds and would be easier to rip off rather than trying to take it off; his armor lay on the ground, gouged but not pierced.

"Shit," Shikamaru muttered. "You've got to stop doing this to yourself."

"Not now, Shikamaru," the man said tiredly.

"Neji –"

"Not _now_," he hissed, as much from anger as from the pain of Shikamaru suddenly brushing a finger over an X shaped wound on his bicep.

"Well let's get your shirt off and see what else we have going on. As soon as you're bandaged up we'll get you in bed and you can report to the Hokage tomorrow," he said soothingly.

"I need to report today," Neji murmured as Shikamaru ripped the rest of the thin shirt off with his hands, not daring to use anything that could be considered a weapon around his friend.

"Sh," Shikamaru said as if speaking to a child. "You can do it tomorrow. The Hokage will understand. I assume your mission was successful?" His missions always were. Unsuccessful Anbu missions generally resulted in death.

Neji nodded mutely, leaning his head back against the cabinet. His eyes were half closed and he only barely flinched when Shikamaru started to ease the strips of fabric off his back and began to test the skin around the wounds on his chest.

"There are less injuries than usual," Shikamaru said with forced cheerfulness. His only indication that Neji thought it was was funny was the slightly deeper exhalation of air in his even breathing pattern. "Do you have any on your back?"

"No," Neji answered. If he had been any more awake he would have been offended by that question. _No one _got behind Hyuuga Neji long enough to wound him.

Shikamaru managed to bandage all of the injuries that he could see, work Neji out of his pants and into a sleeping yukata, tying it around the waist and not bothering to try to get the older man to put his arms into it, it never ended up staying all the way on anyway, and situated him on a futon and left him. Neji watched him until he was out of the room like he always did. It had been years since Neji had fallen asleep while Shikamaru was in the room.

The teaching jounin sighed as he went back to his kitchen and saw the mess that had been made. With an annoyed grunt he went about cleaning up, mopping up blood and throwing torn fabric away and making sure that nothing stained. He knew that Neji would be up in precisely four hours and he would be hungry. Upon finding his fridge bare of anything even remotely edible, he gathered his already bone weary self and walked down to the market to find something.

"Shikamaru!"

And of course the one person he didn't want to see at that moment would find him. He turned to Ino without bothering to make a cheerful face. "What?"

"I heard you got Izo," she said excitedly.

"Yes, Izo," he muttered. "Your cousin is... a tad dramatic."

She just laughed and flicked her hair over her shoulder, settling her basket of goods more firmly on her hip. "He's my second cousin, you know, and he can be. He really is a good kid though, he tries hard."

"When it doesn't involve dirt, mud, grass, germs, breaking nails, or physicality in any form or fashion," Shikamaru answered sarcastically.

She laughed again. "And you have him figured out already."

"Look, Ino," he said, glancing around. "I really need to hurry and get back so I just need to be leaving you and –"

"Back to what?"

He winced. "I have a friend over and I came out to get stuff for dinner."

"Oh?" she said, suddenly intrigued. Shikamaru did not just have friends over. "Who? Do I know him?"

"No," he answered, "You don't know him."

She quirked an eyebrow, unconvinced. He didn't change his answer, instead excusing himself rather ungraciously from her presence and hurrying to gather the rest of his dinner necessities before anyone else saw him and tried to talk to him. Shikamaru generally didn't shop when there was chance someone he knew would be around.

He opened the door quietly and made his way to the kitchen, quickly whipping up dinner and being thoroughly glad that he hadn't completely ignored all those times his mother tried to teach him how to cook. He never made anything for himself but he liked to be able to give Neji something satisfying and nice when he got back from his missions. He glanced at the clock and saw that he had five more minutes before Neji woke up, which meant that he had fifteen more minutes when Neji went to take his ten minute shower and then another five added to that while Neji dressed himself. So twenty minutes before he had to be ready.

Sometimes it was a blessing that Neji acted like a robot.

Exactly twenty minutes later he wasn't surprised when a thin, battle scarred hand reached around him and swiped an onion from one of the plates. Seconds later, out of his peripheral vision, he watched Neji lift himself up onto the counter and sit in the corner between the vertical and horizontal counters, twirling the onion between his fingers.

"Feeling better?" Shikamaru ventured.

Neji treated him with a small smile and Shikamaru immediately relaxed fully. "Much." The Anbu leaned over and glanced down at what Shikamaru was making, nodding his approval and twisting around to get plates and bowls from the cabinets. The teaching jounin didn't bother to ask him if he should be moving his torso that much with his injuries. He had learned long ago that Neji knew the bounds of his body better than anyone even if he did sometimes ignore them completely.

"Hungry?" Shikamaru asked.

"Very."

The short answers were normal. That he was getting any answers at all was a good sign. Sometimes when Neji came back from missions he wouldn't talk for days. Those were the bad missions though, generally ones that involved the loss of teammates; they happened much more often than Shikamaru would have liked.

They sat down to eat in relative silence for several minutes until Shikamaru said, "Hisoka is on my genin team."

Neji's head shot up and for a minute Shikamaru thought he saw genuine fear in those white eyes before the expression was swiftly schooled and the Anbu looked back down. "Is he?" he asked as if he were speaking of whether or not it was raining that day, which it was; it had started shortly after Shikamaru returned from the market.

"Yes. He's very quiet."

"All Hyuugas are quiet," Neji pointed out.

"He said he lived with his mother."

Neji glanced up for a moment longer at that, searching Shikamaru's eyes and resting the ends of his chopsticks on the edge of his bowl for a second. For a moment Shikamaru thought he would say "Is that so?" but he was pleasantly, or not so pleasantly, surprised when Neji answered with, "That's to be expected, I suppose."

"When was the last time you saw him?" Shikamaru asked.

"A year or so ago... or was it two years ago..." Neji trailed off, gazing down into his rice.

"I think he misses you," Shikamaru offered. "He didn't say that he didn't have a father, only that his father wasn't home very often."

"I can't go back now. Harumi made that abundantly clear last time." He sounded a little bitter as he took a slightly more forceful stab at his fish than was necessary.

"If you're going to be back for a while you could come to training with me and the genin," Shikamaru suggested, already knowing the answer he would receive.

"I won't be back for more than a day or two."

Shikamaru laid his chopsticks down, suddenly not hungry. "Have you had a psych evaluation lately?"

"Not in the past few years," Neji answered. "Why?"

The Nara shrugged, feeling anything but nonchalant. "I overheard some of the medic nin talking about it when they brought in some paperwork. Apparently there's going to be a big psych evaluation requirement coming up to update the records of the Anbu members. You should check up on when that is going to be before you take any new missions. I think they said it was going to be soon."

"I'm sure the Hokage will tell me when I report."

The younger nin sighed and glanced out the open sliding door. It was raining very hard at that point, pelting down in sheets. He wanted to be annoyed that the training grounds would be muddy tomorrow but all he could think was that rainstorms tended to make Neji nervous and restless. He didn't sleep well during them. When he glanced over, Neji was twirling the chopsticks between his fingers expertly as if they were a pair of senbon.

"You might want to think about it before then," Shikamaru murmured.

"What was that?" Neji asked, glancing up.

"Eat more."

[Author's Note]

Lyrics come from Mumford & Sons_ – Dust Bowl Dance, _Ok Go_ – Here It Goes Again, _and Florence + The Machine_ – Howl._

A note on names:

Harumi meaning "govern, beauty" in this case.

Hisoka meaning "secret" also a unisex name.

Izo meaning "ice, iron."

Naoko meaning "obedient" (named so for irony's sake, of course).

Alright, that's out of the way. You can draw your own conclusions for my reasons for naming characters if you want and I will assure you that if you tell me why you think I named them such things I will be very amused. Hisoka is the only one whose name really means anything deeper than what can be taken at face value.

So, what do you think?

Edit: 06.08.2011

Edit: 06.10.2011

Edit: 06.18.2011


	2. Learning and Lies

In These Bodies We Will Die.  
>Chapter Two.<br>Learning and Lies.

[The kids are in danger, they're all getting habits]

Hisoka sat nervously on one of the tree stumps scattered around the perimeter of the training ground; none of them had been broken cleanly and it was a bit dangerous to sit on one. Izo was standing on one, gazing forlornly at the muddy ground. Naoko and Shikamaru-sensei hadn't shown up yet. The woods around the training area were very quiet. Izo had told him that some of the genin teams weren't training even training yet, waiting for another day before they got started. Of course, that had set Izo into a fit of complaining about their sensei being a cruel task master.

"Hisoka," Izo suddenly said, startling Hisoka from his blank stare into nothingness, "where do you think Shikamaru-sensei is?"

"I don't know," Hisoka answered. "Maybe he forgot about us."

"What about Naoko?"

"You know her better than I do," the Hyuuga reminded quietly.

Izo looked offended. "I do _not_. I don't know her at all. I don't know what you're talking about."

Hisoka just gave him a small smile and looked away, not really wanting to continue on with a conversation about their teammate, which Izo obviously wanted to do. Izo took the hint and fell silent but they only had to wait for a few more minutes before Naoko showed up, breathing hard with her hair sticking in all directions as she fought to catch her breath.

"Am oi la'e?" she asked.

"You're almost an hour late," Hisoka said before Izo could make a more cutting comment.

She straightened up and smoothed her hair down, brushing dust from her clothing. She looked around curiously, "Where's Shikamaru-sensei?"

"Here."

The three students turned as their sensei appeared from the woods, an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Hisoka noticed that he looked tired and haggard, as if he had slept poorly the night before... or not at all.

"You're late," Izo said obviously.

"That I am, but you are all on time except for Naoko and that was the requirement for today. I never said that I had to show up at the same time," Shikamaru pointed out. That quieted them before they could complain much more, although Hisoka had no intention of complaining; it was low class to complain. "Come here." They walked over to him, Izo cringing as the mud got on his shoes. "See this?"

"What is it?" Hisoka asked, peering at the object in their sensei's hand.

"It's a senbon needle," Shikamaru said, frowning a bit for a reason unknown to his students. They assumed he was upset they didn't know what it was. "There are six somewhere in the woods in a third of a mile radius around this training ground. They are all stuck in the trees at some height higher up on the tree than my height. You three need to find them before the sun goes down completely."

"Wha'?" Naoko yelped, staring at the thin, shiny needle as if it were a demon.

"You heard me. That's today's training," Shikamaru said. "So I suggest you start finding them." He made a shoo-ing motion at them and wandered over to one of the stumps and sat down, glancing at the sky. "Oh, one more thing, if you don't find them all by the time the sun goes down, you all go back to the Academy for another year." He smiled thinly at their shocked expressions. "You thought there was only one graduation exam? Get going, you're wasting time."

Shikamaru lit his cigarette as he watched Naoko and Izo immediately split and go diving into the trees while Hisoka seemed to be in mid-sentence, maybe coming up with a plan to find them as a team, which was the point. There was a chance they could find some on their own but Shikamaru had made sure that they wouldn't be able to get to at least three of them without teamwork. Hisoka gave up and also darted into the woods.

He exhaled smoke and glanced up at the sun. Neji would be going to report to the Hokage and Shikamaru was sure that he would be told he would be required to have a psych exam before he went on another mission. Someone, most likely Naoko, crash to the ground in the woods behind him.

"You'll never find anything if you can't even get up higher than Shikamaru-sensei's head," Izo noted as he crouched on a limb high above her head. "It's not that hard to climb a tree."

"Oi can climb a tree," she argued unimaginatively as she hauled herself to her feet and clambered back up the tree until she was as high up as Izo. "Oi jus' lost me balance."

"A good ninja never loses his balance."

"Well oi'm a girl."

"Izo, Naoko?" Hisoka questioned, suddenly appearing beside them.

"Gah!" Naoko shrieked as she almost fell off the branch again, only avoiding the fall when Izo reflexively reached out and grabbed her. "Hisoka, don' sneak up on us li'e tha'," she chided.

Hisoka didn't bother denying that he had sneaked up on them, "I don't think we're going to be able to find the senbon if we split up like this," he said.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Izo asked imperiously.

"Well," Hisoka started hesitantly, "it's just another test, right? We just have to figure out what it is that Shikamaru-sensei wants and do that."

"Wha' does 'e wan'?" Naoko asked.

Hisoka started fidgeting for a moment before he remembered all those times his mother had smacked his hands for fiddling. "I was thinking that, since we're a new team, maybe the point of the test is for us to learn teamwork."

Izo and Naoko glanced at each other, then to Hisoka, then back to each other. They shrugged in unison. "Sounds like that could be it," Izo said. "But that doesn't help us find the senbon."

"If I get close enough I might be able to see them with my Byakugan. It's not that strong but I'm pretty sure I could spot something if I tried really hard," Hisoka suggested.

"But that means we would have to know the area that the senbon are in," Izo pointed out.

"Wha' if we got 'igh enough in the trees so tha' Hisoka can see the tops and also the bo'toms?" Naoko suggested.

"How tall is Shikamaru-sensei?" Izo asked. "Hisoka, go ask him how tall he is."

Hisoka immediately turned to go find their sensei, used to receiving orders; he was branch house after all. He found Shikamaru lying on the grass, looking like he was asleep. When Hisoka neared he opened his eyes and stared at his student until Hisoka started talking. "Shikamaru-sensei, how tall are you?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes and a slight smile pulled at his lips. "As tall as you, Izo, and Naoko all standing on top of each other."

For a moment Hisoka couldn't process that answer until he realized that Shikamaru was not _actually _telling him his height but rather giving him a hint as to how high the needles were. He thanked his sensei and hurried back to find that Izo and Naoko were arguing about something silly again.

"Hey," he said to get their attention, "Shikamaru-sensei hinted that the senbon are higher up than all three of us on top of each other."

"Well then, ta figure tha' out we 'ave to all stand atop each other," Naoko said. "Izo can be tha bo'tom."

"I will be no such thing," Izo argued.

"The ligh'est goes on top," Naoko said, "Tha'a be me. 'Eaviest on the bo'tom, tha'a be you, Izo."

"Hisoka's heavier than me," he protested.

"No 'e's not," Naoko replied. "Jus' look a' 'im."

Izo looked at Hisoka and Hisoka looked down at himself, wondering how girls always knew these things. "I am smaller than you, Izo," Hisoka said hesitantly.

"Fine!" Izo growled. He walked over to the nearest tree and braced his arms against it. "Come on, let's get this over with. Wipe your shoes off before you put them on my clothes."

Ten minutes and a great deal of amateur cursing later, they managed to figure out how tall they all were together. Naoko marked the spot with a kunai. Suddenly, the two boys heard her shout above them and their precarious tower swayed as she reached for something, shifting her weight to Hisoka's right shoulder and, in turn, forcing Izo to shift his weight to his right foot.

"Naoko!" Izo shouted. "What are you doing up there?"

"Oi found one of the senbon!" she said excitedly. "If Oi could only get a little bi'... closer!"

Her attempts overbalanced them and sent Hisoka crashing to the ground and knocking Izo over. Naoko managed to grab a nearby tree limb and hauled herself up. She triumphantly grabbed the senbon and waved it down at the boys who were picking themselves up from the muddy ground. Izo looked like he was about to have a heart attack from the state of this clothing.

"Look, look!" she said. "Oi found one, Oi found i'!" She climbed down carefully, holding the needle away from her body as if she was afraid it would suddenly have a life of its own and stab her in the eye. "Tha' means we've only go' five more ta go!"

"Just five in this disaster," Izo grumbled, trying vainly to wipe the mud off his clothes. "I want to shower."

"We have to find the other ones before the sun goes down," Hisoka reminded. "We should hurry."

By the time the sun started setting, they had found four of the other five. One was in the highest part of a tree, stuck on the very top. Hisoka had only seen it when his Byakugan caught of a flash of sunlight on metal. Then he had been the one to climb up and grab it because Izo refused to climb that far up a tree and get even more dirty and Naoko was afraid of heights. Two were at the same height on the same tree, one tucked into a knoll on the tree trunk and one stuck out obviously. They found the obvious one first and it was chance that Izo happened to notice the other one when Naoko knocked him over and he grabbed a branch near the knoll to keep from falling. The fourth senbon was on a branch underneath a thick collection of leaves. Naoko saw it from the ground when she was watching Izo and Hisoka clamber around, trying to get to a spot where Hisoka could see both ends of the tree.

They had been searching for the last senbon for a little under two hours and they were getting tired. Izo hadn't stopped complaining the entire time they were out searching but it had gotten worse the closer they came to the end. Naoko started panicking that they wouldn't pass because they couldn't find the last senbon. Hisoka remained largely impassive except for once when he snapped at Izo once to shut up (which he had... for all of ten minutes).

The sun went down completely and they were forced to trudge back to the training area to find their sensei without all of the senbon. Izo had gone quiet and Naoko looked just miserable. Hisoka couldn't help but wonder what the rest of his family would think about him being sent back to the Academy for another year; it didn't look good in his imagination.

They emerged into the clearing, lit only by the stars and the moon, to see that Shikamaru was there but he was talking to someone who remained in the darkness of the trees. Whoever it was spoke too quietly for them to hear the voice. Shikamaru was saying something placatingly, his hand on the mysterious figure's shoulder. They tried to creep closer for a better look but the person turned and left before they could hear anything. Shikamaru turned.

"You'll have to do much better than that if you want to sneak up on someone."

"Who was that?" Izo asked curiously.

"A friend," Shikamaru answered vaguely. "Where are the senbon?" Naoko pulled them out of her belt pouch and handed them over without looking at his face. He counted them in silence. "There are only five here. Where is the other one?"

"We couldn't find it, sensei," Hisoka answered quietly. "We're sorry."

"How did you find these?"

So they told him about the tower they had built with their bodies and Naoko finding the first one, about the way Hisoka had seen the one at the top of the tree, about finding the obvious one and then Izo literally stumbling upon the hidden one, and about Naoko seeing the one from the ground while watching Hisoka and Izo. When they were finished, having said all of that in quiet, embarrassed, worried voices, they looked up at their sensei. Shikamaru was watching them in silence but he was smiling.

"It sounds like you all worked through your difficulties with each other and had some real teamwork, right?" he asked. They nodded, unsure of when he was going to tell them that they had to get ready for another year of classes. "Then you've earned something from me." He reached into one of his belt pouches and withdrew a senbon. He handed it over to Hisoka. "It took teamwork to get all of those senbon and it took showing _me_ that you had teamwork to get the last one. Congratulations, you've all passed."

They stared at the sixth senbon for a moment before Naoko suddenly whooped for joy and swung her arms around Hisoka's neck; he only barely managed to avoid stabbing her with the needle. She reached over and hauled Izo into the embrace as well. Her enthusiasm was infectious and soon they were all laughing despite how tired and dirty they were. When they finally parted, Shikamaru said, "You're dismissed. Be back tomorrow at nine sharp for real training."

They left the field, Naoko between the two boys with their arms linked through each others, talking away. Shikamaru watched them go silently and waited until they were completely out of sight and hearing distance. "So what do you think?"

Neji dropped soundlessly from one of the trees and approached him, looking in the direction that the genin had gone. "They aren't unusually talented but they will make a solid team."

"What about Hisoka?" When Neji didn't answer, Shikamaru glanced at him. "You don't think he's a disappointment, do you?"

"I think he's like his mother."

Shikamaru sighed. That as good as meant that Neji was disappointed. "What makes you say that?"

"Harumi is obsessed with being average. I'm sure she told Hisoka the same thing and it's effected the way he acts and trains and studies. He was in the dead middle of his class, you know."

"I know."

"His Byakugan isn't strong at all."

"I know." Shikamaru turned his body completely to Neji's and the Anbu captain didn't look at him. "You could change that. The genin year is the best time to create new habits in shinobi. If you were around he could become a great ninja."

Neji sighed. "Perhaps."

"You would be good for the other two too. You could train their taijutsu better than I could. Maybe we have three future jounin on this team." It was a stretch but Shikamaru couldn't help it.

"I'm not qualified to teach," Neji objected mildly.

"Since when is an Anbu captain not qualified for anything?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically. "Last I checked you were the number one taijutsu specialist in the Anbu ranks. I think that makes you qualified to train a few genin."

"You shouldn't have access to Anbu files," Neji pointed out absently.

Shikamaru just patted his shoulder and turned to walk back home. Neji followed him.

[You're not as brave as you were at the start]

"So how did reporting go?" Shikamaru asked as he sat down on the other side of the shoji board with a cup of tea in his hands.

Neji ran his fingers over the outside of his cup as he stared down at the board. For a moment it looked like he hadn't heard Shikamaru's question. "It went as fine as it usually does."

"Did the Hokage tell you about the psych evaluations?"

"Yes," he answered. He slid a piece into a new space. "I'm not permitted to take any new missions until I've had mine next week and even then..."

"Depending on what they say you might be off missions for a while," Shikamaru filled in as he made his move on the shoji board.

The older shinobi looked up suddenly, fingers stilling on the edge of the table. "Do you want me to give up missions for a while?" he asked suddenly.

Shikamaru was surprised but tried not to show it. "I think that you maybe could benefit from a break. You haven't taken a break since you started in Anbu."

"Why don't you just tell me what you think instead of dancing around it," Neji suggested with just a hint of irritation. Shikamaru's lips tightened into a thin line and he fell silent. "Why are you afraid to just tell me the truth?"

"Because I don't think that you can handle it sometimes," Shikamaru said truthfully. "You're not the same as you used to be. I have to be more careful around you now and you know it," he added when he saw that Neji was about to protest. "Anbu's hurting your body and it's hurting your mind. You can't handle the truth all the time anymore." Neji remained silent. "I am almost completely sure that you'll be off missions for at least a month when you go through with your evaluation and I think that it will be good for you. You're not the same man that you were before you went into Anbu."

"Of course I'm not. Things change," Neji answered vaguely.

"Not always for the better," Shikamaru challenged. "You're stronger. You're the best shinobi the Hyuuga clan has ever seen. People look up to you, want to be you. Your subordinates in Anbu love you. But you're breaking. I can see it, the Hokage can see it, and whoever does your psych evaluation will be able to see it."

"I don't break," Neji answered shortly.

Shikamaru snorted. "Don't give me that bullshit. You know that you're breaking."

Neji suddenly stood, trembling, but he didn't look angry. He looked almost... sad. He swept up his teacup and retreated to the kitchen. Shikamaru followed him quickly.

"Leave me alone, Shikamaru."

"You asked to hear the truth and now you're running from it?"

"Yes."

Shikamaru as stunned into just staring at Neji in silence. Neji was bent over the sink, his hands white knuckled as he grasped the edge of the counter as tightly as he could. His cup of tea lay in the bottom of the sink, spilling down the drain as it lay on its side. Shikamaru reached over and pried Neji's fingers from the counter before the sharp edges could cut into his skin; Neji let him. Shikamaru turned him so that they were facing each other and held those long fingered hands in his. He kept his eyes down.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Don't apologize. You only said the truth," Neji sighed. "It's my fault. I... You're right. I can't handle the truth anymore. Everything you said is true and I just don't want to believe it."

"You don't have to," Shikamaru allowed.

The captain laughed humorlessly and turned his hands so he was holding Shikamaru's. "I have to."

[Hold your breath and count to nine]

Three days later, Shikamaru stood on the edge of the training field watching Naoko and Izo sparring. Naoko had the upper hand because of sheer ferocity and Izo seemed unable to do anything but basic taijutsu and his family's jutsu, which wasn't serving him well with the amount of moving that Naoko was doing. Hisoka hadn't shown up yet, almost an hour past the normal start time, which was very strange.

"Shikamaru-sensei!" Ah, there is he was. Shikamaru turned to greet his student and almost choked when he saw that not only was his student here but his student's mother seemed to have seen fit to bring him to training. Hisoka looked embarrassed, giving sensei an apologetic smile. Harumi appeared regal as always, floating over the grass as if nature itself should have begged to be touched by her. There was a tiny wrinkle on her perfect nose that hinted at her discomfort though.

"Hisoka," Shikamaru greeted. "Go and get warmed up. I'll put you in when Naoko and Izo are finished." As Hisoka ran off to stretch and run a few laps, Shikamaru turned to Harumi. "Can I help you, Hyuuga-san?"

"Where's my husband?" she demanded without prelude. She had always been a demanding person.

"On a mission, I assume. I haven't seen him," Shikamaru answered.

"That's a lie," she said. "I know that he's here. Is he staying with you?"

Shikamaru sighed and crossed his arms. "He's on a mission. I haven't seen him," he repeated. "Besides, last time he was here you made it clear that you didn't want him back in _your _house."

Harumi's perfectly white cheeks were stained pink with anger. "He should come back. He neglects his own child."

"He wouldn't be so neglectful of his child if you didn't keep him from him," Shikamaru pointed out. Harumi had a nasty habit of going off to "visit" family without telling anyone when Neji returned from missions, always taking their son with her. Neji had only managed to catch them while they were home a few times.

If she had been a lesser woman she would have sneered at him. "He's always ignored Hisoka. He's always ignored me. He's always ignored his duty to our clan."

"He has not ignored Hisoka. You've kept Hisoka from him. He never ignored you; _you _ignored him. And he never ignores his duty to his clan. He's given up more for you stupid Hyuugas than anyone else can say they have." He purposefully looked down his nose at her, knowing she hated feeling inferior despite her preaching of being just "average." Harumi liked to feel like the best.

"You know nothing about my relationship with my husband or his relationship with his son," she hissed.

"I know more than you think I do," Shikamaru answered.

Her lips tightened and her face flushed until she was red. She clenched her perfect, soft fingers into her palms. If she had been a kunoichi she would have punched him. "Tell him to come home and see his son."

"I'm not your messenger and he doesn't need to go back to your harpy nest to see Hisoka," Shikamaru answered blandly. "You may leave now, Hyuuga-san. I have to train my students and you being here will only be a distraction for Hisoka." He bowed formally and turned and didn't look back as he walked across the clearing to his students. She would leave when she was ignored long enough.

Izo and Naoko finished their spar with Naoko successfully pinning Izo to the ground and shoving his face victoriously into the dirt just as Hisoka finished his second lap. They were resting and watching Shikamaru and the woman that they didn't know argue. At least, they looked like they were arguing. The woman was obviously unhappy but they couldn't see Shikamaru's face.

"Hisoka, is that your mother?" Izo asked when Hisoka finished and stretched his arms near them.

"Yes," he answered as he swung his arms to loosen them. "She started acting really weird when I told her that Shikamaru-sensei was our teaching jounin and she just said she wanted to talk to him today so she brought me."

"Why were you so la'e?" Naoko asked.

Hisoka sighed patiently. "My mother always has to look her best. It took an extra hour before she was ready to step out of her room."

"I wonder wha' they're talkin' about," Naoko said. They watched as Shikamaru said something to the woman and suddenly turned his back on her, walking toward them at his normal, slow, lazy pace. The woman looked furious.

"Something that my mother didn't like," Hisoka murmured.

"Why are you all sitting around?" Shikamaru asked as he came upon them. Izo and Naoko jumped to their feet. "Hisoka, spar with Naoko. Izo, watch; your taijutsu needs work and Naoko has the best so far."

Hisoka felt a little put out by that comment. In his experience, Hyuuga were always the best at taijutsu. It seemed that Shikamaru was a mindreader because he turned to his student and said, "Hyuuga are very good at taijutsu but usually only one kind. You need to broaden past the Juuken if you're going to be a successful shinobi."

"Hyuugas only use Juuken," Hisoka said in slight confusion, repeating what all branch Hyuuga were taught.

The teacher sighed and patted Hisoka's head. "I know that you think that but, trust me, you need to know more than just the Juuken."

Hisoka didn't bother arguing with that although he knew his mother would never approve. Maybe it would be best if he just... kept it from her. He'd never kept something from his mother before.

[I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me]

Neji was sitting on the couch reading a book when Shikamaru walked in the door. The jounin couldn't help the smile that worked its way onto his face when he saw his friend. Neji was dressed not in a worn Anbu uniform or a sleeping yukata but rather in a loose fitting, long-sleeved shirt and comfortable pants for once. It was the first time Shikamaru had seen him not in work or sleeping clothes in almost a year. He dropped his stuff and made his way over behind the couch to peer over Neji's shoulder.

"What are you reading?" he asked as he ran his hands absently over Neji's shoulders.

The Anbu didn't look up. "Old reports."

Shikamaru sighed. "I knew it would be too much to ask for something lighter." He straightened up and went to the kitchen. "Do you want tea?" he called.

"I have some already," Neji answered. "There should be a half a pot in there still."

There was still tea left in the pot and, although it was not the kind that Shikamaru favored, he poured himself a cup and made his way back into the living room. He settled on the couch and plucked the book from Neji's hands; the Anbu let him.

"Harumi brought Hisoka to training today," Shikamaru said.

Neji reached over to the coffee table and picked up his tea. "Isn't he a little old to be walked to training?" he inquired, avoiding the purpose of the statement. When Shikamaru gave him an unamused look he sighed, "What did she want?"

"She wanted to know where you were. Apparently she heard through the grapevine that you were back and she wondered why you hadn't gone to see Hisoka yet."

The captain snorted slightly in disgust. "That would be the first time she's ever wanted me to go see Hisoka."

"She seemed like she genuinely wanted you and Hisoka to see each other before you go off on another mission."

"What did you tell her?" Neji said, ignoring Shikamaru's statement.

"I told her that I didn't know if you were in town or not and that I didn't know where you were."

Neji sighed. "And she didn't believe you, of course. You are a terrible liar."

"At least I didn't tell her that you were at my apartment, also known as _your _apartment," he said.

The older shinobi smiled slightly. "At least."

They fell quiet, sipping their tea in silence. It was their usual way with things. Neither was particularly talkative and they had nothing to say. But Neji didn't pick his old reports up again. They each looked different directions, thinking their own thoughts.

"Do you think I should go over there?" Neji asked quietly.

Shikamaru glanced at him. His friend was looking down into his finished teacup, swirling the leaves at the bottom absently. "I think that it would be better if you revived your relationship with your son on safer grounds than your clan compound."

"Do you think I should? Talk to him again, that is."

He sighed and scooted closer so he could run his hand through Neji's long hair, which he had left down for once; it nearly reached his hips. "Yeah, I think you should. He doesn't have a chance in hell of being a great shinobi if he only gets his mother's view on shinobi life. Maybe you could inspire him to be something greater."

"Inspire him to neglect his wife and child maybe," Neji muttered. When Shikamaru tugged his hair sharply he smiled slightly and grabbed the jounin's wrist to keep him from enacting more punishment on his hair. "I can't get away from that part of my relationship with Hisoka."

"No, but maybe if you actually do get past that with him he'll see that you're not just a confused man but also a great shinobi who hundreds of people look up to and would gladly give their lives up for."

"Maybe."

[Author's Note]

Lyrics come from Lily Allen – _Everyone's At It_, Mumford & Sons – _Little Lion Man_, Erin McCarley - _Pony_, and Florence + The Machine – _I'm Not Calling You A Liar._


	3. Trembling and Truths

In These Bodies We Will Die.  
>Chapter Three.<br>Trembling and Truths.

[Together we can see what we will find]

Shikamaru sipped his morning tea, reading the paper at the kitchen table while he waited to leave for the training grounds, a half an hour later than he told the genin to be there. There was very little in the paper that he didn't already know: something about rising price of Suna-imported pottery, a missing child, and, of course, the obituaries. He always went through the obituaries in the morning.

"Good morning."

He raised his cup in silent acknowledgment of Neji's greeting as the man walked in the front door, sweat soaked from his workouts he went through with his regular team every morning. In Anbu, there were regular teams that took missions together but there were also individual missions and missions for only two or three nin.

"How were workouts?"

"Relaxing," Neji answered as he got a glass from the cabinet and poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Only you would describe Anbu workouts as 'relaxing.'"

The Anbu laughed softly. "It's just routine. Nothing horrible or life threatening."

"Maybe not life threatening for_ you_," he muttered. "What's on your agenda for the day?"

"Psych evaluation and training," Neji answered. "You?"

"Genin training and sleeping." He folded the paper and stood up, glancing at the clock on the counter. "Well I have to go and you have to shower so I'll see you later." He waved to Neji as the older shinobi wandered back to the bedroom bathroom to shower away the muck of the morning and Shikamaru went out the door, making sure to lock it on his way out although he wasn't worried about anyone breaking in and catching Neji by surprise.

He whistled as he went to the training grounds, in a surprisingly good mood although he was sure it would evaporate as soon as he got home and Neji found out how long he would be off missions. Shikamaru had been poking around and found out that some of the Anbu that he thought were fairly sane were off missions for as long as three months. Neji was anything but fairly sane.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he came upon his students in the cleaning, already warming up. After just a week they were accustomed to his habit of arriving late and got into the habit of warming up before he got there. That had been his plan all along, of course. He hated wasting his time making sure they were warmed up.

"Shikamaru-sensei!" Naoko greeted, waving. The boys spotted him as soon as she shouted and waved also as he came closer.

"What are we doing today, Shikamaru-sensei?" Izo asked, unable to hide the excitement in his voice. It seemed that Shikamaru wasn't the only one in a good mood.

"I thought we might do some chakra control today, nothing too strenuous," Shikamaru answered.

"Maa," Naoko groaned, "We know how to do chakra control. We learned it in the Academy. It's basic stuff."

"Not like what I'm going to teach you. We only have six months before the chunin exams are upon us and I don't want to get to some more advanced step and find out that someone can't control their chakra as much as they claim." That quieted them. "If you're finished, follow me."

He led them over to the largest tree on the edge of the training field. It's sheer size had saved it from years of training exercises that had felled smaller trees. It was pockmarked and cut and it was simply amazing that it was still alive. He patted the trunk as they got closer, remembering when he, Ino, and Choji had done these exercises using the very same tree.

"Alright, today we're going to be climbing trees," he said.

"Climbing trees? Sensei, we can already do that," Hisoka said. He had grown more vocal in the past week that Shikamaru had been teaching his team. It made the Nara happy in an odd way.

"In a different way, Hisoka. I'm going to teach you not how Academy students climb trees, but how ninja climb trees." Without further ado, he concentrated his chakra onto the bottoms of his feet and walked up the trunk of the tree. He smirked when he heard his students's gasps of surprise. He walked on the underside of one of the larger limbs and hung upside down by only his feet. "I'm going to teach you to do this." He dropped gracefully, twisting to land on his feet. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!" Naoko shouted. "Tha' was so cool!"

Shikamaru couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, very cool. It's also the building block of a lot of techniques I'm going to teach you." He sat and waved for them all to do the same with their legs stuck straight out in front of their bodies, sitting side by side. "The first step is to learn how to concentrate your chakra. I'm sure that you all can feel the chakra in your body. You have to channel it into the bottoms of your feet. Don't go yet, Naoko," he chastised when he noticed the bottoms of her shoes turning blue. "For some people it helps to imagine their chakra as a stream of water, for others it helps to just think of it as chakra. It'll be up to you to figure out what works." He scooted away from his students a bit. "Now, go."

He watched as they all concentrated very hard. Izo's face was scrunched up in a very unbeautiful expression with his eyes closed and his fists clenched. Naoko had her face screwed up in some strange expression that closed one of her eyes halfway and made her mouth twist. Her feet turned blue with chakra immediately, from ankle to bottom. She suddenly lost it and the chakra exploded, shooting away from her body and sizzling the grass. Everyone stared at the mark in surprise.

"That's why you're sitting like this," Shikamaru said, "So you don't hurt each other. It's not a problem for some teams but I figured that Naoko would have volatile chakra. You'll get to stand eventually."

He turned his attention to Hisoka and saw that the Hyuuga had already channeled his chakra to the bottoms of his feet and was just sitting there plucking grass while his shoes glowed and he waited for further instruction. Shikamaru gave him a nod and the chakra faded. He knew that the Hyuuga would have been good at this. Neji had mentioned once that chakra control was as normal to the Hyuuga as breathing.

After two hours Naoko had managed to make three more explosions and Izo had yet to create more than a few sparks. Shikamaru had suggested that he take off his shoes, which Izo had done only after he was sure that it wasn't working with shoes on, grimacing at the feeling of grass on his heels.

"Naoko, as hard as this is, I need you to concentrate," Shikamaru said, kneeling in front of her.

She wrinkled her nose and screwed up her face and he stepped out of the way as her chakra exploded again. "I can't do i'!" she complained as she threw up her hands and fell back onto the grass. Izo did the same.

"Well I suppose the two of you can take a break," Shikamaru said. "You two rest and I'll move on with Hisoka for a bit." He waved the Hyuuga over and took him to the tree. "Even if you have good chakra control, the next part could be difficult. I want you to use your chakra to stick yourself to the tree and walk up the trunk. Don't be worried about falling on your face. It's best to go slowly, to get used to the feeling of it."

Hisoka channeled his chakra, looking uncomfortable and Shikamaru noted that Naoko and Izo were watching with interest. The genin placed one glowing foot on the tree and wiggled it a little bit, getting used to the sensation of sticking to something. With only a bit of hesitation he brought his other foot up. He stuck for a mere moment before the weirdness of being parallel to the ground caught up with him and he lost his concentration and crashed to the ground.

"That's very good. You lasted longer than a lot of genin do at this point. Keep going," Shikamaru said, patting his shoulder.

"Sensei," Izo said, "how come Hisoka is so good at it?"

"His family's jutsu requires great chakra control. He's already practiced in how to control his chakra to his hands so it was fairly simple to move it to his feet." He ignored Hisoka's surprised glance. "Now you two have someone to look up to. You'll have to figure out how to control your chakra if you want to go get to the same place as Hisoka."

"I can do just as well as Hisoka!" Izo said, sitting up fully and preparing to try again.

Naoko was up just a split second after him. "Oi can too!"

"Go slowly. You can't rush these things," he said. Naoko immediately blew off another stream of chakra. He sighed. "You're going to run out of chakra if you keeping making it explode like that, Naoko."

She blushed and muttered an apology. The next attempt was much more controlled, swirling gently around the bottom of her foot and settling in place quietly. She held it for a count of seven and then released it slowly. She looked at Shikamaru in surprise. "It's jus' like breathin'!"

He smiled at her and ruffled her hair. "Just like breathing. With practice it'll be as easy as breathing." He settled on the ground next to Izo, watching Naoko take several deep breaths, seven counts in, seven counts out and then summon her chakra gain and Hisoka come crashing down from some ten feet up the tree trunk. "Tell me what you feel when you try to summon your chakra, Izo."

The Yamanka grumbled, annoyed. "It's like it's all over the place and I can't get a hold on it. Like a bunch of lightning bugs."

Shikamaru recalled that Izo's chakra manifested in sparks. "Then think of it like sparks. You have to gather the sparks together before you can make them go to the bottoms of your feet. Try gathering your chakra within you before you push it out. Just gather and then let go. Do that a few times before you try to push it out again." He watched as Izo closed his eyes. "And relax your face when you do it." The concentrated expression relaxed immediately until it looked like he was sleeping. Shikamaru could feel the rise of his chakra and then the quiet release of it. This happened four more times before Izo opened his eyes.

"I think I can do it now," he told Shikamaru. He closed his eyes again, Shikamaru felt his chakra rise, and then he moved so he could see the bottom of Izo's feet. Sure enough, the balanced chakra come out like a flow of tiny sparks, swirling to cover the bottoms of his feet. Izo held it for a count of five and then the sparks scattered.

When Izo opened his eyes, Shikamaru gave him a sincere smile. "Good job. That's exactly what you need to do. Just focus on getting your chakra out. We'll work on pulling it back in tomorrow." He stood. "Hisoka, come over here." The Hyuuga dropped down from one of the tree limbs that he was balancing on, obviously not trusting himself to be upside down. "Naoko, stop for now." She did so and looked up at him. "You've all done very well today. I'm impressed. Go home and get something to eat and some sleep. Izo, practice gathering your chakra but don't try to push it out. Naoko, practice breathing, don't try to do anything with your chakra." He turned, waving to them. "I'll see you all tomorrow at nine!"

[Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you]

Shikamaru's good mood evaporated the moment he walked into his apartment. Most of the lights were off but there as one on in the kitchen. As he dropped his regulation vest on the floor and walked into the kitchen he found Neji sitting on the counter, just sitting there. The light came from under the cabinets that were set higher than the counters. Shikamaru had thought the lights were completely useless when he first moved in but Neji had always liked them. Seeing Neji sitting on the counter, shoulders hunched, hands fisted on the counters, illuminated only by the dim light behind, was one of the eeriest things Shikamaru had seen in a long time. He felt the urge to turn around and wait until Neji was himself again and not this strange ghost in his kitchen.

"Neji?" he said quietly. Neji didn't raise his head. Shikamaru saw his fists tighten. "Do you want me to make you some tea?" Neji didn't answer so Shikamaru walked a little bit closer and carefully filled the tea kettle with water and set it on the stove to heat up while he moved around as quietly as he could to gather cups, tea leaves, and honey; Neji liked to sweeten his tea with honey. The kettle whistled shrilly and Shikamaru removed it swiftly from the hot element.

In the silence that followed Neji said, "I've been removed from missions for six months."

Shikamaru couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief. "Six months isn't that long."

"It is for me." Neji didn't move when Shikamaru set his cup of tea down by his hand. "My team is going to be out on missions for six months without me. Do you know how many Anbu die in six months? Whole teams are lost on one mission. What if they all die on a mission and they could live if I'm there?"

"Sh," Shikamaru said, daring to step close enough to place a hand on Neji's knee. The older man remained motionless. "Don't worry yourself to death over things you can't control. Your team is strong. They can pull through without you. They'll be alright. What did the psychologist tell you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know. I'm paranoid, mentally unstable, a danger to others and myself especially right after missions." He finally looked up and offered Shikamaru a tiny, wry smile. "She was amazed that I lived with someone."

"You told her about me?" Shikamaru asked, surprised. Neji was fairly quiet about the fact that they lived together. He didn't like people drawing too many unnecessary conclusions.

Neji looked down again. "I'm required to tell the psychologist whatever she wants to know. That's how it works. If we don't say everything it wouldn't matter much for us to have a psych evaluation. So she knows that I live with you even though I have a wife and child, yes."

"What did she say about that?"

"She thinks that adds to my 'mental fatigue.' She's also under the impression that I should repair my relationship with both my wife and Hisoka. For some reason she thinks that just talking to Harumi would make everything better." He snorted. "One doesn't _talk _ to Harumi."

"I noticed," Shikamaru said. "Drink your tea."

Neji obediently wrapped his long fingers around the cup and brought it to his lips. In the poor lighting, the bags under his pale eyes were more prominent, the lines of his cheekbones were sharper, the deep lines around his mouth were darker. For a second Shikamaru was reminded that Neji was old for Anbu, very old.

"So I have nothing to do for six months."

"You know what I have to do for six months?" Shikamaru hinted.

Neji set the tea cup down half empty. "I wonder what, why don't you enlighten me?" he suggested with a small smile on his face. Shikamaru's heart almost jumped out of his chest at that smile. While such smiles weren't that unusual between the two of them, it felt good to know that he could pull Neji from one of his moods.

Shikamaru leaned against the counter and Neji's leg. "I just happen to have a group of rowdy twelve-year-olds in need in some serious training and we just happen to be working on chakra control right now and one of them just happens to be that son that you need to repair a relationship with." He smiled up at Neji. "I'd say that there is something you can do for six months."

Neji sighed and leaned his head back against the counter. "I suppose if you think I can help."

"You can help, I'm sure of it," Shikamaru said with a smile. "It would make me so happy if you helped me."

"Well, if it makes you happy... I could help," Neji said.

[I smiled at you and you smiled back]

"I can't do this."

Shikamaru sighed. "Of course you can. Come on, finish getting ready and let's go. We're going to be later than my usual half hour."

"He won't want to see me. It'll be too much for him with his friends there. This is a bad idea."

"Chickening out on me, oh great Anbu captain?" Shikamaru teased.

Neji suddenly threw open the bedroom door and glared at Shikamaru, who had been standing in the hallway outside. "Shikamaru! This is not a teasing matter. This is serious. I don't think this is a good idea."

"I know it's serious. You're taking it so seriously I have to balance things out." He held out a hand. Neji quirked an eyebrow it and pursed his lips, irritated. "If it makes you feel any better, you can genjutsu."

Neji sighed. "No, that won't do any good. He'll just feel betrayed when he figures out who I am."

"I have a plan, Neji. Don't worry about it." He shook his hand a little. "Come on." He smiled when Neji reached out and took his hand. Shikamaru pulled him to the doorway, releasing his hand to adjust Neji's shirt slightly to it settled neatly over his collarbone. He smoothed his hands down Neji's chest, frowning at the shudder and then the tense muscles that he evoked. "Alright," he said, smiling through the frown. "Let's go."

He didn't take Neji's hand again; Neji didn't offer his.

They reached the training ground forty-five minutes late. At least, Shikamaru did. He walked in alone, emerging from the trees to find his students still stretching, although it seemed that they were getting finished. They waved to him as he walked over.

"Shikamaru-sensei, I think I can do it for sure today," Izo said excitedly.

"Sensei, sensei, Oi'm ready for this!" Naoko chimed in. Hisoka remained quiet but he was smiling happily.

Shikamaru laughed at his students. He found himself laughing more than he ever had when he was with them, perhaps with the exception of his early years with Neji; they didn't laugh much anymore. "Naoko and Izo, go over to the tree and sit down and we'll see what you can do today." When they left, Shikamaru placed his hand on Hisoka's shoulder. "Hisoka, I called in a friend to help you out today. All you need is a little more control and you'll be ready for hard exercises." When Hisoka nodded his understanding he went on, "I need you to go to the next training field though, so Naoko and Izo don't get distracted by your being here. My friend is over in training field three, right beside ours. Go on ahead now."

Hisoka nodded and ran off and Shikamaru watched him go, suddenly nervous but hoping that, without the extra pressure of himself, Naoko, and Izo around, and certainly without the pressure of Harumi, Hisoka would feel comfortable enough with his father for them to begin healing their broken relationship. He turned to begin training with Naoko and Izo who were watching Hisoka go with interest.

"Shikamaru-sensei," Izo said, "where's Hisoka going?"

"I sent him off to meet with one of my friends for some different training. I didn't want him to distract the two of you while you were working," Shikamaru said. He glanced in the direction of the third training field. "There are a few things he needs to work out on his own."

[And for a moment you can hardly breathe]

Hisoka arrived at the field ever so slightly out of breath. He was a little excited that Shikamaru thought he could go off and progress farther on his own. Shikamaru's friend was already in the field when he arrived, standing with his back turned. His hair was very long, the end of his high ponytail brushing just above his hips. Hisoka could tell his was male from his broad shoulders and because he had spent so much time around long-haired men in his family he could tell a man from a woman from behind.

He bowed politely. "Shikamaru-sensei sent me. I'm Hyuuga Hisoka." He raised his head and saw, much to his surprise, a pair of Hyuuga eyes looking down at him.

"I know who you are Hisoka," he said.

Hisoka knew that voice very well. He straightened completely and looked wide-eyed at the man in front of him. "Father?" The man nodded. "What are you doing here?"

"Shikamaru asked me to help him with his students," the man said in a monotone. Then he flinched and frowned slightly before pulling himself back into a calm mask. "And I wanted to see you without your mother around."

"Oh," Hisoka said. He took a long look at this man he hadn't seen in almost three years. His memories of his father were fuzzy and now that he looked at him he realized that he was far more intimidating than he remembered. This man didn't look like the kind to cradle him in his arms and laugh a deep, rough laugh. This man was stern looking with a tiny frown on his face, arms crossed over his chest. His forearms and biceps were made bulky by whipcord muscles and Hisoka could see blue veins standing out where the muscles were flexed. He wore a black sleeveless shirt tucked into black cargo pants, a black belt, and black boots. Hisoka's heart stopped when he saw the symbol tattooed on his shoulder.

"I don't know what Shikamaru told you –" his father began.

"How do you know Shikamaru?" Hisoka suddenly interrupted. He snapped his mouth shut as soon as he did that, embarrassed at having interrupted someone, especially his father even though he hadn't seen him in years.

His father smiled slightly and Hisoka relaxed. "Shikamaru is a close friend of mine. We've known each other for a long time."

"Why did he ask you to help us train?" Hisoka asked. He hadn't noticed that he was stepping closer to this intimidating man that was his father.

"He thought I could teach you taijutsu better than he can and that you would need help learning new styles of taijutsu as well as perfecting your Juuken," his father said.

"I'm not allowed to perfect the Juuken," Hisoka protested. "Branch members aren't allowed to know all of the moves. Only the main family knows the secrets of the Juuken."

His father sighed and suddenly was kneeling in front of him and Hisoka realized that his father was very tall. Neji put his hands on Hisoka's shoulders. "I know what you think the Branch family can and cannot do but let me tell you that those rules haven't stopped me. They can only stop you if you stop yourself, do you understand?"

"You're saying that I should go against the main family?" Hisoka asked, shocked. He looked at those eyes so like his own and suddenly realized that maybe there was a serious reason that nobody in the clan talked about his father.

Neji shook his head and sighed. "No, I'm not saying that you should go against the main family. I'm saying that, as my son, people expect you to break the boundaries that they set for the branch family. I did it. They didn't stop me."

"You..." Hisoka trailed off. "You know all of the moves for the Juuken?" he asked. When his father nodded he looked at his forehead and saw the forehead protector there. With shaking fingers he reached up and untied it, letting it fall into his hands. There was a seal there, just like there was on his own forehead. He touched it gently and felt his father's hands tighten slightly on his shoulders. "Why do you hide your seal?"

His father stood suddenly, towering over him again. He took the forehead protector from Hisoka's hands gently and tied it back in place. "Why do you not?"

Hisoka frowned. "Mother told me that there was no shame in being a branch Hyuuga. We live to serve and we should take pride in it." When his father only made a low hum as if he was thinking very hard, Hisoka said, "Do you not think so?"

"I think that we shouldn't get into the way I think about the main family right now," he answered evasively. "Come, Shikamaru wanted me to help you with your chakra control and that is what I shall do."

As Hisoka followed his father to a large, stately tree, he asked, "You would do anything for Shikamaru-sensei, wouldn't you?"

For a moment it seemed like his father wouldn't respond. Then he said, "Yes, I would." He turned and patted the tree. "Show me what you can do, then."

Hisoka was struck but a sudden bought of nervousness and couldn't even manage to get a steady stream of chakra going on the bottoms of his shoes. He was beginning to turn red from shame when his father knelt before him again, hands on his shoulders. "You have nothing to worry about with me. I know I haven't been around very much for you but... I just want to help you." Hisoka nodded and sniffed. His father stood again. "Go ahead."

After an hour with his father, Hisoka could walk confidently up the tree, upside down on the branches, even jump from tree to tree, releasing and bringing his chakra back as needed. Hisoka had never felt so accomplished. He sat on one of the large limbs and watched as his father joined him, walking up the tree with ease and settling beside him.

"I didn't think I would be this good at it," Hisoka said. Immediately he flushed and looked away. "I mean, I don't mean that I think I'm _good _at it."

His father sighed. He did that a lot. "There's no shame in being good at something. If you feel that you're good at something, take pride in it. Putting yourself down all the time is a sure way to stunt your growth as a ninja."

"What are you good at, Father?" Hisoka asked. He glanced at his father and met the pale eyes that were watching him blankly.

"Taijutsu," he answered bluntly.

"Not the Juuken?" Hisoka asked, curious.

"Well, I am good at the Juuken also but I like taijutsu better, all kinds, not just the Juuken," he answered.

"You like regular taijutsu more than the Juuken?" Hisoka couldn't help being surprised. He'd never heard a Hyuuga say that before. Granted, he'd never heard of a Hyuuga practicing any form of taijutsu other than the clan's style. When his father nodded he pressed, "Why?"

"I don't know why. Although it is helpful to know good taijutsu when you're running low on chakra. I think that limiting a Hyuuga's knowledge of taijutsu to the Gentle Fist Style is foolish." He swung his legs slightly. "Shikamaru agrees with me. He wants me to teach your team taijutsu."

"I see," Hisoka said. His gaze traveled from his father's face down to the tattoo on his shoulder. He couldn't help himself, he reached out and touched it. When he looked back up he found his father watching him curiously, or what Hisoka assumed was curiosity. His father was not very expressive, he was coming to find out. "You're in Anbu."

"I am."

"Is that why you're gone all the time?" He clasped his hands in his lap.

"Yes."

"Why are you not on missions now?"

"I'm on a six month leave," his father answered simply. "Shikamaru decided to take my time while I'm here since I have nothing else to do."

"Mother always told me that you were nothing special." The words were out of his mouth before he could take them back. Hisoka felt a bit off kilter. For some reason, in the time that he had been with his father, he had said more of what he wanted to than he had for a long time. He hadn't felt the need to restrain what he thought or what he wanted to know. It was a pleasant feeling, if a bit concerning.

Neji sighed and looked away. "Your mother and I have very different ideas about the way shinobi should live their lives. She is under the impression that being average is the best, not to cause too much fuss either in the negative or positive ways."

"And you?"

His father glanced back at him and smiled slightly. "I think that it is important to push yourself as far as you can go. To run until you want to throw your insides up, to practice your jutsu until you pass out from chakra exhaustion, to train until you feel like your arms are going to fall off." At Hisoka's face he just laughed. "Being a shinobi is my life. I think that it is best to be as good as you can be and that means pushing yourself as far as you can go."

"Isn't that a bit... dangerous?" Hisoka asked, having heard horror stories about chakra exhaustion.

His father shrugged, it was the most relaxed move Hisoka had seen him make that day. "It is, if you're alone. But if that's what it takes then that is what I will do." He frowned. "Your mother never liked the way I saw my shinobi life and my duty to the village. It aggravates her. So I can only assume that that is why she lied to you about me."

"If you and mother don't like each other, why are you married?" Hisoka had always wanted to ask that question of his mother but had never felt that he would get an answer from her. Whenever he mentioned his father she would go quiet and angry and tell him never to mention his father again. As it was, he was momentarily afraid that he would the same response from his father when he went quiet but it was just in thought because he soon answered.

"Your mother and I didn't know each other well when we were married. It was an arranged marriage for the good of the clan. We've never really gotten along," he answered.

"Oh."

A part of Hisoka was sad. He had heard his friends talk about their parents. A few mentioned that their parents loved each other very much. Even the ones who had lost one or both of their parents talked about how they had loved each other. He didn't hear stories about parents that just didn't love each other, that hadn't ever loved each other. He had wanted parents like that all his life. When he was younger he would lie in bed at night and imagine his father coming through the door and his mother running out to see him, to throw herself in his arms and embrace him. It never happened.

"I'm sorry."

Maybe his father had wanted that too.

[Author's Note]

Lyrics come from Mumford & Sons – _Roll Away Your Stone_, Feist and Ben Gibbard – _Train Song_, MSTRKRFT – _Heartbreaker_, and John Mayer – _Dreaming With A Broken Heart_.


	4. Pushing and Pride

In These Bodies We Will Die.  
>Chapter Four.<br>Pushing and Pride.

[This is a gift, it comes with a price]

Dinner in the Hyuuga clan was a family affair, meaning that the main family ate together on a slightly raised dais at the back of the massive dining hall and the branch family served them before eating on the lower floor. Harumi Hyuuga was notorious for sitting as closely to the main family dais as she could, often engaging members of the main family when she could. The main family had long ago given up on trying to make her stop.

Hisoka Hyuuga was the opposite. He sat at the opposite end of the room from his mother, eating with the younger members of his family, hardly ever speaking, and serving the main family until every one of them was satisfied that their needs had been met. Many times he would not start eating dinner until most of his family had left the dining hall. However, that night, he managed to make it to the table in record time.

"Hey, Hisoka," an older cousin said from a few seats down, "how's your training with the infamous lazy ass jounin going?" Laughter erupted around the table. Hisoka had never understood why everyone in his family knew Shikamaru Nara and taunted him whenever they got the chance. Now he was certain it had something to do with the jounin's friendship with his father. It seemed like everyone knew his father better than he did.

Before he could answer, another cousin jumped in. "Does he even bother to show up for training?"

"Learned how to nap wherever you want?" another asked snidely.

"It's amazing that he even made it this far," one commented.

A female chunin cousin laughed unpleasantly. "He only got this far because he's friends with the Hokage."

"Shikamaru-sensei is very smart and he has taught us a lot," Hisoka said, cutting in so strongly that conversation ceased and all of his cousins looked at him in surprise. Never had he spoken to them in more than a quiet murmur. "He has a lot of friends that care about him and he makes sure that we learn the way that we need to. He even got a friend to teach me more advanced chakra control."

"Because he can't," one sneered.

"No," Hisoka reprimanded, "because he was thinking about what was good for me and my teammates, not what was good for his reputation."

"Who'd he get for you, little Hisoka?" one asked, managing to sound like she didn't care at all. Most of his cousins had set their chopsticks aside and were looking at him with all of their attention.

He shifted nervously, wondering if he should answer truthfully. "A friend of his."

Several laughed. A cousin closer to his age spoke up, giving confidence by the way the older cousins were picking on Hisoka. "Who'd he get? A genin?"

"He's Anbu," Hisoka murmured softly into his soup. When he glanced up in the dead silence that followed he saw the shock on his cousins's faces. Many of them looked like they couldn't even believe what they had heard.

A slightly nicer cousin patted his arm from across the table. "You don't have to lie about things like that, Hisoka."

"I'm not lying," Hisoka snapped, pulling away sharply. He got to his feet. "Shikamaru-sensei had an Anbu friend of his come and help teach me advanced chakra control and he's going to help us learn taijutsu." He didn't notice that other members of the family were starting to take notice of his conversation. He had spoken loudly enough to get the attention of the family members further down the long table.

"You're a Hyuuga. You don't need to learn chakra control or taijutsu," the nice cousin reminded.

"A good ninja never stops learning and he said that Hyuuga restricting themselves to the Juuken is stupid," Hisoka answered.

"Who are you talking about?"

Hisoka spun around to see Hiko Hyuuga, the head of the branch family standing behind him. Hiko's arms were crossed and it was clear that he was unhappy with having to leave his position at the opposite end of the branch family table to come see what the commotion was about among the young people.

Hisoka immediately looked down at the ground, fidgeting with his fingers. "Someone Shikamaru-sensei knows."

"Who?" Hiko demanded. "No one has the right to criticize the Hyuuga like that."

"Not even a Hyuuga?" Hisoka challenged quietly. He glanced up through his lashes at Hiko and, in his mind, measured this head of the branch family up again his father. A tiny smile tugged at his lips. This man was nothing compared to his father. He had nothing to fear.

Hiko raised his eyebrows. "Is this man a Hyuuga? He should be punished for speaking so of his clan. Who is it?"

Hisoka raised his head and looked around at his family. From the main family sitting on their dais, a few looking back to see what was going on among the people that they deemed servants, to his mother who was peering at him from her seat at the opposite end of the table as if hoping that it was not her son standing there embarrassingly, to the cousins sitting around him who were gazing at him, some with contempt, some with confusion, some with disguised affection, to the head of the branch family in front of him, arms crossed over his barrel chest and a demanding expression, none of these people measured up to his father in Hisoka's mind. They were nothing compared to the man that Hisoka had only recently met once again. A true, happy smile stretched his mouth. For once, he had something to be proud of.

"My father."

[Pray you never feel this same kind of remorse]

Shikamaru came home tired from his day of training with the students, meeting up with Neji just outside of the training grounds. The students had already gone home, Hisoka among them. Shikamaru had seen them meet up from the training ground.

"How did it go?" he asked as they walked back to the apartment.

"Better than expected," Neji answered, stretching his arms over his head.

Shikamaru punched him lightly in the ribs. "I told you that it would be fine."

"I wouldn't have been as worried if you had told me ahead of time how you were planning to approach this," Neji reminded, pulling his arms down to protect his sides.

The younger ninja just smiled and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You're in a good mood." When Neji didn't answer he looked up to see a genuine, soft smile on his friend's face. "It's been a long time since you smiled like that." Neji quirked an eyebrow in silent question but the comment hadn't scared the smile from his face. "It's your gentle smile. I like it," Shikamaru elaborated.

"Ah," was all Neji said.

They reached the apartment and Shikamaru let them in, dumping his vest on the floor, not really paying attention as Neji picked it up and hung it up like he always did. The Anbu also straightened up Shikamaru's shoes when he left them in a messy pile beside the shelves that were there for the purpose of holding the shoes. The Nara shuffled to the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"Tea?" he called.

He need not have been so loud; Neji leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over his lean chest. "Of course," he answered quietly. He was always quiet.

Shikamaru glanced out the large windows of the kitchen as he measured out the tea leaves and prepared the cups. The sun had set while he and Neji were walking home and, even though the light from the kitchen reflected on the windows and obscured the view, he could see the stars in the clear sky. He looked down as he finished messing with the tea and just had to wait for his notoriously slow kettle.

"Shikamaru," Neji said suddenly. Shikamaru turned to see that Neji had moved while he was lost in his thoughts and now leaned against the counter on the opposite wall of the tiny kitchen. "Thank you."

Shikamaru smiled a true and genuine smile. "You're welcome. It's good to see you happy again." With that statement came the unspoken _You weren't happy before_. Neji acknowledged the unspoken with a slight nod of his head. "Hisoka seemed pleased when I saw him before he left."

"He did well today."

"In listening to you or in learning?"

"Both." Neji moved across the kitchen to sit in his favorite corner of the counter. He drew tiny patterns in a puddle of water on the counter. "He wasn't angry or upset with me." A tiny smile quirked the corners of his mouth. "He's very mature."

"How like his father," Shikamaru murmured.

Neji snorted. "He took well to chakra control, as he should. He is a Hyuuga after all."

"He is your son after all. He's bound to be full of those darn genius genes," Shikamaru said with teasing sarcasm. Neji kicked him playfully. "I'm serious," he said as the kettle whistled. He snatched it up and poured the steaming water into the cups. "Once you show him how to be the best he can be I think we might have another genius on our hands."

Neji accepted the tea cup from Shikamaru and stared down into it, the smile slipping off his face again. He dropped into moods so easily. "I'd rather if we didn't have another genius if he's going to turn out like me."

Shikamaru sighed and leaned his back against the counter and his side against Neji's leg. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're strong, a great shinobi and a great leader. I wish you wouldn't insist upon treating yourself like you're broken."

"I am."

The younger ninja tilted his head back to look at the man that he had been sharing his life with for the past six years. "You are not."

"I'm on forced leave for six months because I'm crazy, Shikamaru," Neji pointed out flatly. "I think that means that there's something wrong with me."

Shikamaru set his teacup on the counter and turned so he was between Neji's legs. "You're not broken. You're just different."

"I'm not one of your delicate little twelve-year-olds," Neji said with a sardonic smirk, "you don't have to make me feel special."

"Well you are," Shikamaru insisted. "I don't know anyone as strong as you –"

"The Hokage."

"I don't know anyone as resilient as you –"

"You don't know many people then."

Shikamaru placed a finger over his lips. "I don't know anyone that I would want to be with more than you."

Neji went quiet immediately. His fingers tightened around his teacup and Shikamaru felt his breath pick up slightly. As the Anbu looked away, Shikamaru gently lifted the teacup from his hands so he wouldn't crush it and set it aside. Neji's hands curled into the fabric of his pants, knuckles whitening with the strain. Shikamaru laid his hands over Neji's, working his fingers slightly between Neji's palms and his pants.

"Neji," he started.

"Don't," Neji interrupted. He closed his white eyes and leaned his head back until it touched the cabinet. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"You know why not," Neji answered quietly with his head still tilted back. His breathing eased a little bit but his grip on his pants did not.

"You don't have to be afraid of me," Shikamaru reminded. He released Neji's hands and slid his own down until they were hooked under his partner's knees. "You weren't afraid of me before."

"I wasn't like this before."

Shikamaru sighed and Neji straightened up to look down at him. "You haven't changed as much as you think you have," Shikamaru said. Neji snorted. "Even though you're different on the outside and you react differently to me and to other people, I know that you're the same person you've always been on the inside."

"God, Shikamaru," Neji murmured, "that is so cliché I can't bear it."

"Stop trying to work your way out of this. No matter how cliché it is, I know that you are still the same person that I remember who nearly killed himself fighting against the Sound Five, the same person who went up against the Akatsuki, the same person who tried to maintain a relationship with his son even though his wife tried to stop him, the same person who has survived this long in Anbu without breaking." He pulled Neji closer to the edge of the counter, hands still hooked under his knees. "You are strong and wonderful and there's no one else I would rather be with."

Neji sighed and looked down at Shikamaru. "You must be crazy."

The teaching jounin gave his companion an wide grin. "Crazy about _you_."

"Alright, that's quite enough. Move so I can get down," Neji said, fingers uncurling from his pants and shifting as if to get down.

"I'll catch you," Shikamaru said. He leaned forward, trailing his fingers up the outside of Neji's legs until he could put his hands on his hips. "Let me carry you?" he suggested with a tiny smile that was softer than his earlier grin.

"You're too lazy. You'd drop me," Neji answered with a straight face. He gripped Shikamaru's wrists tightly as if thinking about pushing him away.

"I would never drop you. You mean too much to me," he replied, leaning forward more. He tugged Neji closer and Neji let him. "Come on."

Neji sighed and smiled slightly. "Fine, lazy ass. But if you drop me I'll kill you." He slid forward and Shikamaru grabbed him tightly, Neji's legs wrapped around his hips. The older shinobi glared down at him halfheartedly. "Don't you dare get any ideas."

"I'm not a teenager anymore," Shikamaru said. He whirled around sharply and laughed as Neji's fingers dug into his shoulders. "I promise I won't take advantage of you while I've got you."

"Alright, put me down now," Neji demanded.

"I will in a minute," Shikamaru said, making sure he had a firm grip around Neji's waist while he carried him into Neji's bedroom. He dumped him unceremoniously on the futon on his back and knelt over him. "There, now you will stay here and sleep until I tell you to stop sleeping," he said lightly, trying to alleviate the flash of fear he saw cross Neji's face.

"Get off me now," Neji managed to grit out between suddenly clenched teeth. He pressed his hands against Shikamaru's chest just hard enough to make his discomfort known. When Shikamaru didn't move he pushed harder. "Get off."

Shikamaru suddenly sat up and grabbed Neji's wrists, trapping his hands against his chest. He had a vague thought about the danger of having a Hyuuga's hands against his heart but he dismissed it. "I will. Just trust me."

Neji stilled immediately. He was breathing quickly and he curled his hands into fists against Shikamaru's chest. He looked up at the ceiling instead of at the man settled comfortably on his hips. "Shikamaru," he murmured almost pleadingly.

Shikamaru suddenly leaned down, too quickly for Neji to attempt to get away, and placed a light kiss on his partner's lips. "Trust me," he whispered when he backed off a bit. Neji was watching him warily but when he bent down and kissed him again Neji responded normally enough. He deepened the kiss and released Neji's hands so he could support himself as he hovered over Neji's body.

And suddenly he was flat on his back and Neji was standing by the door.

"Neji –"

"You swore to me that you would never push this," Neji said accusingly.

Shikamaru rolled to his side, wincing at the pain in his ribs. Neji had shoved him off very forcefully. "I didn't mean to –"

"Yes, you did," Neji interrupted. "You pushed." He crossed his arms over his chest but it looked more like he was trying to protect himself from Shikamaru than trying to intimidate. His lips were pressed in a thin line. "You promised."

He turned and, for once in his life, Neji Hyuuga ran away.

Shikamaru got to his feet to follow only to find that Neji must have charged his hits with chakra because it felt like his insides were on fire. He sat down again on the futon breathing heavily. There was only one thing he could think of that adequately described out he felt about himself:

"Stupid asshole."

[I have a question for you tonight]

Waking up and having the house to himself the next morning was not a situation that Shikamaru was unused to. It was waking up and knowing that Neji hadn't come back that night that made going through his morning routine difficult. Once he asked aloud if Neji wanted tea, forgetting for just a moment that he wasn't there. He had poured his cup down the sink right afterward.

He was nearly an hour late to training and he walked the whole way staring at the ground.

"Shikamaru-sensei!" He looked up when he heard Hisoka calling to him happily. There, in the middle of the training ground, were his three genin, not running rampant and fighting among each other like he expected, but settled into deep kata stances. His gaze traveled from his surprisingly corralled students to the one who was controlling them.

"Neji," he breathed out.

"You're late, Shikamaru-sensei," Izo called.

He walked up to his genin in a daze, not even bothering to greet them as he passed right by them and stood in front of his friend, partner, lover, whatever they were. He bowed respectfully. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You're making a scene," Neji answered just as quietly. The genin had fallen curiously silent.

Shikamaru raised his head just enough to see Neji's face. "Then I'll make a scene. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed. You're right, I meant to push even though I promised I wouldn't. I have no excuses. I'm sorry."

He heard Neji sigh quietly and then felt a pair of strong hands on his shoulders, forcing him to straighten up. "We'll discuss this later," Neji said quietly. "You have more important things to deal with right now."

"You're the most important thing I will ever have in my life," Shikamaru replied quietly enough that his students couldn't hear him.

"Later," Neji said with a bit more force.

Shikamaru saw the tiny smile on his face though and turned to his students with a full smile on his own. "Constantly," he replied teasingly. He turned to his students before Neji could fuss at him. "What are you three doing?"

Being spoken to seemed to snap them out of their weirdness-induced haze. "Hisoka's da was teachin' us taijutsu," Naoko said.

"Oh?" Shikamaru questioned, glancing at Neji. "Well then we'll continue with that." He glanced over his shoulder at Neji. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"No need to thank me. I doubt they would have gotten it from you," he answered. His teasing sounded a little strained but he was trying.

"I was going to teach them," Shikamaru pouted good naturedly. "What were you wearing on?"

"Basic forms. They learned one all the way through and I was just going over it with them."

"Start over from the beginning," Shikamaru said to his students. "Neji-sensei and I will correct you as you go."

With just a little bit of complaining the genin did as they were told. It didn't take long to see that Hisoka had the patience and endurance for forms, Naoko had the sheer power for taijutsu, and Izo would have to work harder than either of them to keep up. After fifteen times flawlessly through their forms, Shikamaru instructed them to go over their chakra control, shoving them each toward their own tree. The exhaustion of doing forms for two straight hours, oftentimes holding positions for several minutes while Neji or Shikamaru corrected other teammates, added a new facet to chakra control.

"You knew I wanted to do this from the beginning," Shikamaru said to Neji as they watched all of the genin walk up their trees with ease, Hisoka ever so slightly more quickly than the others.

"Your training style is fairly obvious," Neji replied. As Shikamaru shook his head in slight disbelief, Neji wandered over to Naoko and Izo to give them a few pointers to make their perilous parallel trek somewhat easier.

"Shikamaru-sensei." A tap on his arm brought him out of his observation and he looked down. Hisoka stood in front of him with a worried expression on his face. He pointed behind Shikamaru and the jounin turned around to see a man standing on the edge of the training ground. Even from across the field, Shikamaru could see the tenseness in his shoulders... and his Hyuuga eyes.

Shikamaru pushed Hisoka back toward his tree and walked quickly over to the man, hoping to reach him before Neji noticed. "Can I help you?" he asked when he was in comfortable speaking distance.

The man glanced around as if nervous. He looked over Shikamaru's shoulder and the jounin wasn't certain if he was looking at Hisoka or Neji. Suddenly he shoved a scroll under Shikamaru's nose. "For Hyuuga Neji-san," the man said, bowing. "From Hiko-san."

"I have no idea who Hiko-san is," Shikamaru said, not taking the scroll.

"I do." He sighed when he heard Neji's voice. "Neriko-san," Neji greeted.

The man shifted his bow slightly so he was pointing toward Neji, still extending the scroll. "For Hyuuga Neji-san from Hiko-san," he repeated tightly. As soon as Neji took the scroll from his hand, the man turned swiftly and practically ran away from them.

"Who's Hiko?" Shikamaru asked.

Neji clenched the scroll tightly in his fist. "Head of the branch house. He's as close to being in the main house as a branch house member can get." He tucked the scroll into his belt. "He's also a pain in the ass."

"You're not going to read it?"

They began to walk back to the students who were still going up and down their trees. Hisoka was watching them whenever he was turned enough to comfortably see them. "I'll read it later. I have... more important things to think about now."

"Very funny."

[Author's Note]

Short chapter! This one was hard to write. _

Lyrics come from Florence + The Machine – _Rabbit Heart_, Mumford & Sons – _Dust Bowl Dance_, and Old 97's – _Question_.

In retrospect, I've realized that probably the reason for Neji not having an H name in the anime was because he was branch house, which means that Hisoka and Harumi and Hiko should all not have H names. Well... it's a little late to change that now. Side note: Nariko's name means "dough."


End file.
